Dublin Web Summit

Um I sorta thought I would take a bit of Action to publises Moi and BM. There was a conference to which I was invited. A few of the Big Boys were going to be keynoting. Chad Hurley, Jack Dorsey Nicklas Zennstrom, The Founders : Twitter, Skype and Youtube. I couldn’t go because I was broke I asked our local county enterprise board for 200 euros they said they were broke. (How they spent 3.3 million Euros in 24 hours beats me) So I thought I would go up and cause a bit of Mayhem. DublinWebSummit.com is their site I thought I would get their attention so I bought DublinWebSummit.net DublinWebSummit.org DublinWebSummit.biz and DublinWebSummit.info then I regestered DublinWebSummit as a business name with the Companies Registration Office in Dublin. It appears I am DublinWebSummit. So I thought they would be a bit polite. I had my marketing manager with me Declan “Spoons” Walshin a top hat, me in my suit with my Brunel Tie and a big sign saying “Dublin Web Summit is Using 20th Century Technology, (It wasn’t like Our conference in onLand theirs was so yesterday. Brian Cowen (Our Irish PM) and my local TD, Brian Cowen is a BIFFO which is what they call people from Offaly : Big Ignorant Fuckers From Offaly and Offaly County Enterprise Board are Morons and BogOfAllen.com Rules. Thats where I live in Offaly, its the largest and oldest recorded Peat Bog in Ireland. Records start at 200 AD. So of we went. Im not daft so on the way I reported to the local cop shop and told them I was doing a demo. We had a chat, nothing offensive Sir? Nope! Ok Its Your Right! Off we went! : My In my Bright Yellow Flourescent Garda Jacket with BogOfAllen.com on the back and Declan in his top hat. (He plays the spoons Very Very well (been featured on Youtube (Declan Walsh Entertains 2000 hits)) Heres The Press Release:

View this document on Scribd

I went in and asked if they could make an exception for a Poor Disabled Reporter (I have my own registered newspaper) who was a Microsoft Partner, Bizspark start up and over 60. And an Entrepreneur running 80 domains and that officially I was DublinWebSummit. They said No. Declan started playing the spoons and I started giving out 500 leaflets I had printed while doing a bit of a Jig :

Heres The Leaflet:

I had 300 of my OnlyFashion.biz business cards which me Helena and Patrick had spent hours writing BogofAllen.com on the back. So we started our Demo. Serendipitously RTÉ our National Television station were just Leaving and they fimed us. Ha! About 30 minutes later the cops turned up in a big van with blue lights flashing. They nodded to me and I waved and they marched inside to talk with the organisers. Ten minutes later they came out I asked if everything was ok? They said “Carry On Sir” and saluted. hehehehe. Oh the day before I got into more trouble!

STOP PRESS: I HAVE JUST RECEIVED A PHONE CALL FROM OFFALY COUNTY COUNCIL:

at 8.30 am this morning I placed my business card measuring 8.5cms x 5cms with “Bog of Allen” written on it. I Placed the card in a Cars door sill so that it would not blow away and litter. I told the person in reception that I had Done This. She said ok and can I have one.  At 11.54 am I received a phone call purporting to be  from the council 05793 46800 (They Masked Their ID) that I am to be prosecuted AND Fined  for littering.  My Response : See You In Court. Come visit me in MountJoy as I Wiil not pay!  I spent months, mostly without pay authoring Their Web site (link here in the Internet Archive)  in March 2000 to April 2001 If You look at the source code

meta name=”Author”

content=”pfb”

philp finlay-bryan Typical BIFFO!

Response : I passed a skip grabbed suitable materials and made a big sign the text reads :Official Offaly County Council say BogOfAllen.com is (in very very small letters)to Be FINE (in very very small letter)  D (in very very smal letters ) For Littering. I paraded up and down from 4.30pm to 6pm.

hehehehe

That night I thought Oh they will think Im a cybersquatter and I hate Cybersqutters so I thought I better put together a DublinWebSummit Business plan so I did a bit of the old cogitating and made this!

The next day I went back for the last session, dressed smart casual and asked nicely if I could stand at the back. The chap was less than polite. I tried to pick up a brochure and he screamed “CALL SECURITY” and a woman at the back picked up the phone and demanded Security. I left. Well I hung out for a bit had a few chats. One guy said he only found the place because someone had put my pic on Twitter.

Got Home! They had cut off my Internet because I hadn’t payed my bill. Oh Merde! And I had 20 euros to my name! I needed 248 euros because I was in arrears too. See? I told you I was poor, anyway buying a domain name is far more important than having an Internet connection!….Oh, oops, um something wrong with that sentence…. I did tell you I was mad….? Si i wandered into town and waited for a Prod From God. I looked cool, rich and I was wearing Sunglasses. Hello O2 my mobiles O2. Hmmm wi fi modem! Ok blah blah blah lalala “Well Philip we can do you a six month contract for 59 euros (I only had 20) a years contract for 29 euros (shit) 0r a free one with an 18 month contract. ” Ha! Sorted! Except theres a 15 gig a month limit. I’ve alredy used 4 gigs in 14 hours. 😦
Anyway I ended up making this My DublinWebSummit / Blue Mars Business Plan:

I got DublinHub.net WebSummit.org and the overview site is :

NewThinking.info or its on Youtube but my site is prettier and bigger

Epilogue

Of course if they had let me in I would have asked a question I sorta ask “questions” so I can give a speech……

Hi Everybody!Philipm from Bog Of Allen dot com (one day people will say “Hi Dr. Phil”) . Anyone got a camera phone, an Internet connection and a Youtube account? I have,  someone else film this please and put it on Youtube. Anyone got a Laptop a webcam and Skype? Ok we can stream this live over the net to at least 1 person. Ok. People say Twitter is inane people just talk about their pets and what they had for breakfast. Heres my Tweet. Oh Ladies? Could you write this down? I would ask a man to do it but it involves Thinking Writing and Listening and we all know men can’t multi task (And still get paid 40% more than you!) Anyway my Tweet:

My Cat Eats Toast Freud Loved Cats and Cocaine Merchant Bankers Rule on drug money BeKool dot net with a k #craic #crs

OK? My Cat (my pet) eats Toast,  Toast is really important. When the first black proto human (OMG we are descended from Blacks? Thats worse than being descended from monkeys) was on the African savannah and a lightening bolt set the place on fire he said “Great, Now I can make Toast!” Freud a buzz word – hey guys remember when you were a kid and you saw your mum in a bra and felt stirrings? Oh scary stuff. Freud loved cats he said “Time spent with Cats is never wasted. ” When he discovered Cocaine he thought he had found the answer to all humankinds problems (some people still do) until his best mate OD ed on the Stuff.  Merchant Bankers Rule on Drug Money who bailed out the banks to the tune of over 300 million dollars in cash? Coke dealers laundering their drug money. Be Kool dot net with a k advertises my web site. #craic in Irish,  a bit of craic, any craic means FUN! I spelt it for them in case there were coke users in the audience (crack cocaine) and finally #crs = cockney rhyming slang Merchant Bankers = Wankers.  Wankers Rule ! thanks Be Happy

Sham I never got to deliver it……oh OnlyOwls dot com is really Kool. I might not be around much bandwidth / bills stuff but Ill go busking with Declan earn a few bob… ty

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